Speaking on the Norman Goldman Show December 17th

On Wednesday afternoon, 12/17/14 I called the Norman Goldman Show to update everyone on the possibilities of me getting the newest TAVR procedure in order to prolong my life by another five years or more.

I was just called a few minutes ago by Denver Health to set up an appointment to see a therapist about getting this possible upcoming surgery. I am very nervous about all of it.

A Follow Up To Going To The Hospital This Week

A follow up to my hospital visits to see if I might be able to get the newest TAVR procedure to keep me alive.

Last week, Monday the 8th of December I went to the CU Medical Center in Aurora. Fox31 reporter Rob Low and his cameraman met me there to cover this story. They filmed me while getting the Echocardiogram and then they also did an interview with both the surgeon Dr. Carroll and myself!

Yesterday I went back there and had two more tests. First was the Pulmonary test, which I passed in flying colors. No surprise though, because I am having no problems with my lungs. It is getting the oxygen to my brain and extremities is the problem.

Next was the CT Scan just a couple hours later. I had a reaction to the "contrast" that they inject into your body, so I had to stay an hour longer and be observed. The next time I am to have one, I will have to take medication first to prevent any problems from maybe happening.

I was called today by the CU TAVR team and given an appointment date of Friday January the 9th, 2015 to get a Transesophageal Echocardiogram and then the damned Cardiac Catheterization.

This freaks me out! I will stay overnight for this procedure and be released the following morning.

December 2nd, 2014

Hello. Not much of a post here today. Not much has changed lately. Just trying to hang in there and here it is the second of the month and I have nothing for this month's rent and other bills. Zero!

I was just able to pay my storage unit fees before they went up because of a late fee and that's the end of my money, again.

Folks I am making it month to month by receiving food stamps, Medicaid and whatever donations I might receive throughout each month. I have not been able to get any other assistance here in Denver were we are having a bad rental crisis.

All the long time renters in Denver are getting forced out by ever increasing rents. It is getting impossible to find a reasonable place to live here and there is NO Section 8 here anymore. The list/backlog is so long that they stopped taking applications anywhere around Denver! All the money I receive each month goes straight to my landlord and the few other bills I have. My apartment is falling apart, there hasn't been any needed work done on this place in probably the last 20 years!

I have NOT been able to adjust the temperature of bath water now in the last six months! Back when it was hotter out, the AC barely worked and most of my windows won’t open and those that do, don’t have screens! (A pigeon flew in my bathroom two months ago!) My bedroom window has been broken where wind and snow can blow in for over one year now! The windows are the old 50’s crank style and this place is a wind tunnel at times! I can go on and on about this place.

But I am stuck here too! I can not get enough money together to get another place. I have no credit, so that alone kills the chance to rent most apartment these days. I don’t know what to do!

And yet here I am again, another month down the road begging for money to pay my bills. I sure wish I could find a corporate sponsor!

Next week finally is my appointment at Colorado University’s clinical trial unit to see if I might be a candidate for the very newest TAVR procedure. So yet another major thing to deal with. I do not know how I am expected to get through all of this!

Speaking about Self Deliverance on Talk Center America

There is a new internet “TV” news show now on the “air” called Talk Center America. It is an hour long show and tonight’s show was about the right to die as each person determines for themselves.

This is the best copy that I have available at the moment. This is from a program that can record my own Skype calls and gives me several split-screen options. 

This is the HD quality video from the producer of the show.

People, at this moment I have to depend on folks to help me pay my bills. I have not been able to pay November’s rent yet, nor any of the other bills. Please help by sending me a donation via my Paypal link:

Something that I am just now realizing...

My primary doctor that I have been seeing at Denver Health for over a decade now has suggested that I take therapy before going into surgery. He suggested that I might have a PTS from the last operation.

So I started to think about this and it goes so much further back than I realized! This all started back when I was six years old!

That’s when I got my tonsils taken out.

Let me tell you about that. There were six people holding me down and I was fighting for all my life! I thought they were trying to kill me with that ether! As I was going under the ether, I saw a huge train coming at me and when it hit me was when I passed out. That was a trip!

You city people won’t understand the stories from the kids starting a new school year out in farming country, where they talked about the kid/s that got killed over the summer on a “farming accident”.

At age 12 I nearly lost the top of my head from a farming accident after a day of hay bailing. You can still see the scar on the top of my forehead. It was a long way to the hospital is about all I can remember.

Three years later I caught rheumatic so acutely that when I was finally brought to the hospital they immediately put me in quarantine for three days before they could even figure out what I had! Everyone in space suits but me!

The ACL surgery in 1985 was no fun, but certainly not as traumatic as above.

Then there was the nightmare of the nearly one month of being in the hospital for my aortic heart valve replacement. A few really tough complications during recovery. They actually let me out after two weeks and the day after I was out I had a mini-stroke and went back in for two more weeks.

So yeah, I guess I do have a problem of being in an operating room or hospital when I am not getting paid to install a surgical microscope into their ceilings. I can stand behind the surgeons during surgery, watch the surgery and converse with them and be ok with it. It’s when I’m on the other end of it all that I have a problem with it.

The newest TAVR procedures look very scary to me. Freaks me out! Punching right though your chest, through the heart wall and into the chamber of the heart to drop the new valve on the old one. Bizarre! But this will be the way to where in the future no one is getting their ribs split apart for service.

Thing is, this is all clinical trial now. I’ll be test, an experiment and who really knows? This is all such a trip to me!

I Was On 9News Tonight!

Last week channel 9News came over to my apartment and interviewed me about Self-Deliverance or "Dying With Dignity".

Ryan told me that he would let me know when this was going to air, but I did not find out until after it had played on TV and I got an email about it.

Folks, I am broke and not been able to pay this month's rent yet! Please help by donating what you can by using my Paypal link. I do not have the strength, nor the money to move out to another place. There is no section eight available and places to rent in Denver are difficult and expensive to find right now.

The Edwards SAPIEN XT Transcatheter Heart valve

This is the device that they might be putting into me, the Edwards SAPIEN XT Transcatheter Heart valve. It is a bovine heart valve surrounded by mesh and steel. Pretty crazy looking!

It’s my bedtime now, but I will be posting more about this procedure because now it is very possible they will not go through my leg but rather straight through the heart wall and not through a vein!

I could really use your help financially please: DONATE

My call to the Norman Goldman Show today

Well, it has been a real roller coaster this year emotionally and mentally. It is now Halloween and I can not believe that I am still alive!

It’s been a bitch just putting up with the pain lately and not letting people see it. The best way I can describe it is like a tattoo being done. It is like a moving, burning sensation that sometimes just gets to you so much you want to scream out loud. But you just bear with it.

Earlier this year the TVAR procedures being performed here in Colorado just did not have a suitable survival outcome for someone with a deteriorating bovine aortic heart such as what my situation is. Just in the last few months that has changed here in Colorado and now there are newer procedures in which they are able to more successfully place the TAVR replacement valve over a deteriorating bovine valve.

Now I finally have an appointment to speak with one of the two specialist surgeons doing the newest TAVR procedures on December 8th. Once we get the facts figured out, going over what to expect and if I agree, then the next step would be to make an appointment for them to go inside my heart via catheter and take a bunch of measurements.

Then if I am a viable candidate, the appointment for the TAVR procedure will be made! This is me calling into the Norman Goldman Show yesterday to talk about this.

Now I need help to get though all of this financially please! I can not pay my monthly bills and I am facing eviction! Though my medical bills will be paid by Medicaid and I get food stamps, I am not getting any other assistance!

Please use this link to donate.

Brittany Maynard this post is for you!

At this point in time I would imagine that it might be next to impossible for me to personally reach Brittany and be able to speak with her for just a minute or two, but I would love to do so. If there is anyone that finds this and can help me reach her immediately, it would be greatly appreciated.

Firstly, I have no idea whether Brittany explored, turned down or even tried a high cannabinoid extract treatment for her brain cancer.

Whether or not, I am sincerely wondering if she were here in Denver working with the very specific strains and ratios of cannabis extracts available at River Rock and United Cannabis and had Dr. Shackelford as her doctor, if she could indeed have this cancer sent into remission?

What I am asking of Brittany is to please give us seventy additional days to put her cancer into remission, PLEASE! Instead of the first days of November, give us a chance to her the very best and newest in cannabinoid treatment. She will be in the best hands/minds in this nation, bar none!

70 days longer Brittany! I understand that can be a very long time, but what if you find that time to be nearly pain free? Please do me a favor and give this a try!

Cannabis extracts have been what has most likely prolonged my life now as long as it has, but it can not save it. But for Brittany, this could still be possible.

I have reached out to both River Rock and Dr. S. about this, as I know these people personally and I am pretty sure it can be something we can make happen on this side. (In fact, I have already been partly confirmed on one side on a late Saturday night!)

Does anyone there know how to reach Brittany personally so I might speak to her please? Cannabis can not save my life, but if I can help arrange it to save Brittany, that would be very, very cool. I have the connections to make this happen on the Denver end!

Please, can anyone help me get in touch with Brittany personally?

Brittany, I am 59 years old and I have lived a full life. I've done amazing things and therefore I am quite happy with my life and I truly do not need to go through another brutal surgery to get maybe another decade or so more.

You on the other hand Brittany have 30 years less than I on your present lifetime. I could never tell you to go through the brutal normal treatment they've told you about for your cancer, as I truly fear being on the operating table ever again. It totally freaks me the hell out! I am choosing to die rather than be split open again.

But what about not having surgery or taking any weird poisonous-like cancer treatments and instead take what is now the cutting edge in cannabis therapy and not have to suffer at all? Brittany, I can personally assure you that this is worth the shot, worth putting the timer off for another couple months.

Please Brittany, I am asking for you to help me help you. Give us 70 days more. Saving your life would be a little extra Karma for me hopefully when I do go.

Believe me Brittany, I understand the pressures of having to deal with speaking out about your own death to the public for public awareness. It is never too late to turn around and say let's try one more thing first before I say good-bye.

Someone get me to Brittany and I can get this to happen on our side!

Compassion & Choices and Brittany Maynard

Yesterday, October 8th, 2014 I called into the Norman Goldman show since I knew beforehand that he would be speaking about Brittany Maynard and the "death with dignity" situation here in the USA.

I noticed how in the last couple days how Brittany Maynard has captured national media attention since becoming Compassion and Choices' new "poster person". To me there is no question that this was all a carefully plotted out promotional situation by Compassion and Choices to use the plight of Brittany to full advantage of trying to spread this well needed "right" throughout all the USA.

And for that I understand and commend C&C on this great promotion as it is getting many people's attention. And to Brittany herself I am quite glad that she is being strong enough a person to be able to speak out on this the way she has.

But in another way I am almost offended by this presentation by C&C as it so non-typical of the average dying person in the USA situation. Most terminal Patients by the time they are determined "terminal" here are usually broke or damned well near it.

Every terminal Patient's wish I would imagine is to be able to get to enjoy those last few months ENJOYING LIFE, going on as many trips as possible and having as much fun as can be had in that situation. But most of us never have anything close to that actually happen.

The average American that is terminal is trying to figure out where they are going to be living since they can no longer pay rent. Or maybe if they are lucky, they can find some type of assistance, but let me tell you from personal knowledge that there's not much out there. I'm only getting Medicaid and food stamps and other than that I am on my own.

But this is not about me, this is about what the average typical dying American has to live through during the last few months of their lives. We must go through quite the struggle, sometimes a very dire struggle. And as we sit here waiting, stagnating, wishing that we could go out more, visit friends and family that are not close, maybe eat at some decent restaurants, finish off your bucket list and the like, all you can actually do is sit and wonder about it all.

I certainly do not blame Brittany for taking advantage of the money she has access to while she is still here and in fact, I encourage her to do so! But since there are so many struggling terminal Patients that will never get to do maybe anything joyful, adventurous or fun again in their lives, I just think in several ways Compassion and Choices did not make a realistic choice for their poster person. Again, I understand why they did it, but I think they are really sending a wrong message here.

Don't you think it is evident that Brittany would not be in the news whatsoever if she were Black, Hispanic or poor? No, the being terminal story is far too common for far too many people who have no voice, no money and essentially no hope. And I am calling C&C out on this!

Of course I do not really expect to personally hear back from C&C, we were in contact earlier as I had reached to them. We parted ways as soon as I realized the only way they would work with me since I lived in Colorado and am broke, was that I had to agree that I would only self deliver by starving myself! Anyone that personally knows me, knows that will never happen!

I have included the audio of the call to the Norman Goldman show for you to check out.

Update October 6th, 2014

Things have not gone as planned in the last month or so. I will not be going to Cedars Sinai as we were maybe hoping and now trying to see if another facility, hopefully New York Presbyterian will take on my situation. 

Not sure exactly what the problem was with Cedars, but they have not responded back to my Denver Health doctor’s requests. 

I’ve been very reluctant to get back onto the operating table for anything. They need to do a catheter procedure where they go through my leg and up into both the left and right sides of my heart. My bovine aortic valve is fairly deteriorated and it really scares the hell out of me to have this done. I’ve had this done three previous times and so I really don’t want to do it again. But they need to do these tests to make sure that I can even be for sure a candidate for these newest procedures and I can have that done here, so I just recently agreed to have that done. Now I am waiting.

The procedure for the TAVR is not as advanced here at CU as they are now doing for the clinical studies at places like NY-P, Cedars, Mayo, Cornell and the like. The leading facility being NY-P. The difference in the procedure available here as opposed to there is quite a bit, the difference in whether the odds are worth it or not.

Part of the problem that I am having is the fact that my cardio doctor at Denver Health/CU and I do not have a good report going on ever since I told her that I was not going to have open heart surgery. They’ve not been happy with me since. So my primary doctor for the last decade at Denver Health is trying to find another cardio doctor to maybe help me figure this out. But nothing is happening fast.

And now my rent has been raised outrageously by my landlord. 15 months ago he raised my rent by 15% and last week he just raised it by another 40%! So trying to figure this all out. 

I’m running out of energy too. Spending more time in bed. Not getting much done anymore now. Broke down and got a handicapped parking placard this last week. 

Thanks for your concerns,

Robert

I was on KGNU today!

Last week Vero of KGNU, a community radio station from Boulder, CO came by my apartment to interview me on my feelings about Self-Determination. You can check out the entire interview HERE.

Robert in his easy chair with Mr. Meyer

Video Update Sunday August 3rd, 2014

Hey everyone! Yeah, it’s been a while since I last posted. Sorry about that!

There’s actually some new news to update you all on, so I made a video blog update:

An Urgent Message From Dave and Boyd McCollum

On Friday evening, August 01, 2014 filmmakers Dave and Boyd McCollum sent this email message to as people as he could think of:

Hi,

This is an urgent message. Please take the time to read the entire message now, rather than later. Time is the enemy. Please send this to everyone who may be able to help. Thanks.

Robert Mitton is nearing the end of his life. His aortic heart valve, which was replaced almost fifteen years ago, is starting to fail. He has refused to undergo the invasive open heart surgery procedure he had when his heart valve was first replaced. Given what he thought was no other viable long-term option, he accepted that his life would end, sooner than later. He was given a terminal prognosis about six months ago if he didn’t undergo another valve replacement operation. It’s now been seven months and he is in severe pain, sleeping more than he is awake, and unable to support himself financially. He is physically weak and his mental capacity has diminished due to the decrease in his heart’s ability to provide adequate blood flow, affecting his ability to focus or do much deep thinking.

However, just two weeks ago and thanks to a doctor friend of ours, we discovered that another surgical option was available, one which is minimally invasive and could save his life. He has sent his records to Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles, along with a letter from his primary care physician. He is awaiting their evaluation, though based on examinations and testing in Denver at Denver Health and CU Medical Center, he should qualify for surgery at Cedars-Sinai. Cedars-Sinai is one of a handful of advanced cardiological research centers in the United States.

Unfortunately, the last of Robert’s resources have been exhausted. Savings and help from friends and family have failed to amount to enough to cover his expenses for August. He will likely take his own life very soon, in order to avoid the last, and most painful, stage of life, and to avoid becoming homeless with no money.

The timing of everything is horrible. Any day now, Cedars-Sinai could offer him a funded operation. There are also various funding sources available, given enough lead time, that would help him to get back to self-sufficiency if he were to choose to have surgery. Other than hospice care, there was nothing available to Robert to aid him in dying in peace.

So, given this drastic potential change of events, we ask you to help Robert to stay around so he can consider this new surgical option to save his life. Let’s try to avoid a travesty and not let this situation be contingent on money as the primary driving force.

Some of you may have already helped Robert. For that, we are grateful. Please consider making a donation to help Robert. If all you can do is offer your best wishes, please contact Robert directly.

Robert contacted us about seven months ago and asked us to document his experiences. I (Dave) have known him casually for almost fifteen years via our online and in-person interactions at the Colorado Macintosh User Group. We are making this plea out of our desire to help Robert, not at his behest. He isn’t (yet) aware of our actions, sending this message.

Here is Robert’s contact info and blog URL:

Robert Mitton  

rgator@mittmount.com  

720-435-9205  

<http://dying-with-dignity.blogspot.com/>

(There is a PayPal link near the top of the page on the righthand side.)

Here is a direct link you can use to donate to Robert via PayPal (debit and credit cards work, as well as PayPal transfers):

<https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=ACXDKKNE2KC8J>

Please consider donating $50 or $100 or more, if you can. Or, even $20 would likely make a huge difference. It’s not often in one’s life that we can make a direct and significant difference to the life of another. Here’s your chance!

A little help from a bunch of people could make all the difference. Thanks.

Our deepest appreciation,

Dave McCollum  

Boyd McCollum

P.S. - Please feel free to write to us if you have any questions. We plan on sending out updates whenever something happens. Thank you so much for your consideration, and please accept our apologies if you feel you shouldn’t have received this message (and let us know — we won’t bother you further).

P.P.S. - A deeper overview of Robert’s medical history and situation... At age fifteen Robert contracted acute rheumatic fever. He nearly died and was hospitalized for over ten days, the first five of which he was held in isolation until his condition was identified. At age twenty he contracted rheumatic fever again. By then, he had already been told that he would never be able to obtain medical insurance. He was told that his heart, and likely other parts of his body, would deteriorate and fail sometime around age forty. At forty-four, Robert underwent what was excruciatingly painful open heart surgery to install a bovine aortic replacement valve. He was hospitalized for a month. It took many more months for him to fully recover, though his capability to continue doing strenuous physical activity was permanently diminished. The bovine replacement valve had a projected lifespan of ten to fifteen years. It has been almost fifteen years now since his first valve replacement. 

Because of his more advanced age now, and considering what happened to him the first time around (permanent degradation of his lifestyle), he has decided not to undergo another open heart surgery. A less invasive surgery, called TAVR (trans-catheter aortic valve replacement) was not a viable option for Robert, as it is very risky and given only to people much older who have no other options (and to people who haven’t already had a valve replacement).

The surgery available at Cedars-Sinai is also a TAVR procedure, but it is several generations beyond what is currently available at your typical hospital (since Cedars-Sinai is one of a handful of advanced cardiological research centers). 

Robert has had many heart-related incidents since his first valve replacement, including a couple of stays in the hospital, and several visits. He suffers daily from deep pain in his heart and chest region. Since his heart has grown increasingly unable to pump blood efficiently, he has lost much of his ability to do his current line of work, web design/consulting and website SEO. Robert used to install ceiling-mounted surgical microscopes before he moved to more sedentary work (due in large part to his heart issues).

A Better Way To Transfer Money = FOR FREE!

Hey everyone! I just found out about a great way to transfer funds from one checking account to another and not have to deal with any transfer fees, like you do via Paypal. If you were going to use your bank’s checking account to wire funds into another checking account, avoid the fee of going to your bank!

Use Square Cash to electronically get your $$$ from point A to point B. This is by the same people that have been doing those little credit card readers for smartphones for the last few years.

Use Square Cash to send donations so that the recipient get 100% of your donation!

They will put $1.00 in your checking account just to try it!

Square Cash

I really could use some help please!

The last couple weeks have been much tougher on me than the previous couple of months before. It had seemed that my condition was in a holding pattern, but now it appears to have gone back into deterioration mode.

A couple days ago was my 59th birthday and it was very unexpected that I would ever make it that long. The doctors are somewhat puzzled by this, as we all thought I would have died by now without the operation. There is no reason why, just speculation for the most part, but has my regime of medical cannabis helped to delay things? Who knows?

I need help please to keep going on. I’ve been lucky to keep up on my bills, like the rent, utilities, gas, insurance and all, but I have zero income now and no way to really earn anything. I’m having too many problems these days with my heart and my head to get any real work done. It is very difficult at times to concentrate anymore and to use my software.

There is no way I can move out and get another place at this point. I simply would not have the energy to get anything done. My rent is somewhat expensive, but I live in the heart of Denver and it is an excellent location for me. I’m just trying to hang on as long as I can before it is just to painful to continue. But there is no way that I am going to get evicted and move out onto the streets either.

Even with a social worker helping me at Denver Health to apply for any assistance I be able to qualify for, I have been turned down for all assistance so far other than food stamps and Medicaid. I’ve been turned down for Social Security, Social Security disability and SSI! The situation with the SSI is a terrible story in itself that I would have to explain in another post.

Please use the Paypal button/link to go to my Paypal page if you would like to make a donation. Thanks a million!

Choosing To Die - BBC Documentary by Terry Pratchett

I thought that this video was worth posting once again on this blog. The first post of this video on my blog went “bad” as that one was pulled off YouTube because of copyright issues. Hopefully this one will remain on YouTube.

If you go back to the first time that I posted this video my blog, you will find that the link has been corrected.

The Death Cafe!

There is a fairly new thing happening across the nation called “Death Cafes” and I made my first post at The Death Cafe Website. Please check our their website, especially the video section!

If you can, find a local Death Cafe, or start one on your own.

“Choosing How To Die” at the First Universalist Church of Denver on Sunday May 18, 2014

Bart Windrum and I did our first presentation together at the First Universalist Church of Denver. I did not post the video previously because I thought it would just be out trial run for the Mercury Cafe, but as you can see, we did a better job on Sunday than we did last night.

This is the LINK to the above YouTube video

May 18, 2014
The First Universalist Church of Denver

“Choosing How to Die” at the Mercury Cafe May 22nd, 2014

This is the presentation that Bart Windrum and I put on at the Mercury Cafe. It was a close call even posting this video because of the lighting. They changed the lights after Bart's presentation and made it so damned intense that I could not see, it was almost painful and I imagine that normally the only time a person gets bombarded with that much light is during a police interrogation!

It was extremely unsettling and there’s no question that Sunday’s presentation at the First Universalist Church went MUCH, MUCH better. I’m very bummed out with this presentation we did at the Merc!

Thursday May 22, 2014
The Mercury Cafe
2199 California Street, LoDo Denver

Choosing How To Die - Presentation on Sunday May 18th!

Our “Choosing How To Die” presentation will first be performed at the First Universalist Church of Denver - 4101 East Hampden Avenue, Denver, CO 80222. This is at the NE corner of Hampden and Colorado Blvd.

This Sunday! May 18th at 12:30 PM

Calling the Norman Goldman Show About My Gig At The Mercury Cafe - Choosing How To Die

There will be a presentation called “Choosing How To Die” featuring the BBC documentary by Sir Terry Pratchett, “Choosing To Die”, which is a one-hour film.
                               
Bart Windrum of Axiom Action will be speaking on this controversial topic, as well as I will be talking about what it is like to be living through an experience as I have been going through in my last final months of life.

To be followed up with a Question & Answer segment that promises to be quite engaging!

The Mercury Cafe is located at 2199 California Street, Denver 80222. The presentation starts at 7 PM on Thursday, May 22, 2014. Please do come if you can! I would love to see you there!

This all SUCKS quite a bit!

Well, it is looking like there is nothing is place assistance wise as far as my situation goes! This is so damned crazy! If I were to choose to go with the dreaded operation, then the “system” is willing to spend what it will take to repair me. For the aortic heart replacement and the recovery the expenses would probably be more than $300,000.00 easy.

But if I refuse the operation, there is nothing in place to help me live out my last few months of my life without being forced to live out on the streets. I qualify for “hospice” but I do not need “hospice” help since it will not help with my rent and bills. In many ways I feel that hospice services are a true scam. As soon as the doctor writes out the paperwork stating you have six months or less to live, these CORPORATIONS want you to sign up with them so they can get that money and do whatever they claim to do for the dying person. SCAM!

They are not there to help you maintain your rent, or your bills. They are there to do a little cleaning, cooking and shopping for you if you choose to live at home. Or if you choose, you can go die at one of their places, which is EXACTLY what I refuse to do. I only want to stay where I am at now, to be able to cook for myself and maintain my life as can in my own way and style and not have people being paid for what I can and will do!

When I can no longer cook for myself, when I can not get up and down my stairs to go shopping, when I can not do my normal routines, well then folks, it is time for me to go! So why can’t hospice care just help me live out my life in peace and in the manner I want to?

The simple answer is the government has this all set up to merely benefit corporations once again and not The People! Though I qualify for hospice care, I will never benefit from it, nor will it be used on me. This is bullshit.

The only way I’ve been surviving is by the few donations that keep coming in to me which I GREATLY appreciate! But it is truly looking like that I will need to terminate sooner than later because I refuse to live on the streets or move from here now.

Why is it that Doctors do differently than most of us?

There is an excellent article to compliment this image: How Doctors Die

My first call on the Alan Colmes Show

Wednesday night I was driving for just a few minutes, turned on the radio and the Alan Colmes Show was on. This lady was talking and I quickly realize that she was talking about someone in the same situation as me. Then she mentioned this guy talking on the Norman Goldman show and that his name was Robert!

No way! It sort of freaked me out. Up until then I thought the show was being broadcasted live and that Alan Colmes was a late night person. I tried to call in and then found out the show is broadcasted at 4:00 PM my time. So I decided that I would be one of Alan’s first callers for Thursday. Turns out I was his first caller for the day!

Getting assistance during your last months

More updating of what has been going on with me and my situation. It is so damned crazy how things work out here in the USA and in Denver, CO as well. My “ObamaCare” kicked in, by that I mean the Medicaid has gone in affect for me now and I am seeing immediate savings!

A couple weeks ago I had an echocardiogram and a zero co-pay! It normally would have been $2.00 but they were having a “glitch” in charging at the moment. My previous one was a $15.00 co-pay.

I’ve talked with a social worker with Denver Health to find out about any assistance I might be able to get other than the Medicaid and Food Stamps I am receiving now. It has been getting pretty tough to get any kind of computer work done lately and there’s no other type of work I can do. In fact, I have paperwork from my doctor stating that I can not work now.

Here in Denver I have the option to get the aortic heart valve replacement surgery and all the medical follow up care. They have a great medical system here, but I do NOT want to get the surgery done again. We are talking at least $150,000.00 worth of medical bills being covered. But yet there is nothing in place to help take care of someone when they do not want the surgery.

You would think that the hospice money that kicks in when you’re in my condition could cover my rent, but that is not how it works. For the most part hospice is for profit and you play by their rules. If I have home hospice, that can help with cooking, cleaning, shopping and the like. But it doesn’t help you maintain a place to live UNLESS you live at a place other than yours! That’s bullshit!

(You see, there is this automatic money that kicks in as soon as a doctor does the paperwork saying you in most likelihood with be dead in six months or less. That money is NOT for you really, but for the agencies and corporations that get to take taxpayer’s money every time someone is about to die. It is a scam.)

So the social worker told me about a month ago she would send an application to see if I could get this grant, that if approved would pay for three month’s rent. I was told two days ago that I was not approved because I won’t be able to better or advance myself with the use of this grant! Dying doesn’t fit into the rules!

At that same time last month I was able to get help applying for Social Security and SSI at Denver Health and my situation allowed them to use the “expedite” forms. So for the last two weeks now I’ve been getting various forms of paperwork back from the Social Security departments! Two days ago I get this letter from them listing all of the things I have in my claim.

I noticed some things are wrong and decided to use the phone number they suggest in the paperwork and asked for the person listed. It was a short wait and then I got to leave a message. I got a call back a little later the same day and she said that I do not have to worry about the corrections until I am approved. That had me to ask, “Approve what? I supplied actual documented doctor forms and was told this would be expedited.” She replied back that it is being expedited, but wait a minute and she would confirm that.

She came back on and said that my case is being expedited and I should hear back from them in five to six months! I told her I will probably not be alive that long. She said that’s all that can be done for now.

So it is getting pretty tough to survive/stay in my apartment these days! The last two months a good friend has volunteered to pay my rent, but I can not expect for that to keep happening. I need to find some kind of real sponsor!

On the Norman Goldman Show today!

Hey you all! I’m sorry that I have not posted in a while. A lot had been going on for the last month, including getting pretty sick for nearly a week and then my sister came out for a visit for a week too!

While my sister was here we went over my paperwork and my wishes. There was paperwork done with my doctor, as in getting my M.O.S.T. form signed and my Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation Colorado Directive. With the Denver Health social worker we got my Medical Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care Decisions taken care of as well. This will hopefully keep the hospitals from doing anything to try to keep my alive at this point.

Do YOU have your paperwork together for your demise? Each state will have their own forms, but the form you want is the M.O.S.T. form. This is the link to the Colorado example: All about the M.O.S.T. Form.

You will need a Living Will of some sort and here’s the info for Colorado: Colorado Living Wills and Medical Durable Powers of Attorney: What You Need to Know

These are just some of the things that I have just recently gone through and wanted to relate to you all.

Skype Me

I have a Skype account set up now for this blog! My Skype Name is: Dying.With.Dignity so give that a try. More than likely the voicemail will kick in. If so, please leave me a message and I might Skype you back. If I do Skype you back, please be aware that I will be recording the call with my Mac.

One Off The Bucket List!

Wednesday afternoon I had the opportunity to actually do a one-on-one Skype call with Rick Simpson of Phoenix Tears! This is certainly something I never thought I would get the chance to do!

I need a sponsor please!

Is there anyone out there that can help me out please?

I am looking for a corporation or organization that would be willing to be my sponsor during my last few months. I need help in keeping my bills paid as I am not really able to real work for clients now. It is truly becoming difficult to concentrate and think hard these days. In fact, it is tough to read pages of text.

If there is such a company or person available, I could be a “spokesperson” or promoter. This would only be for a few months time, as I do not have that much time remaining. But it would be nice that for the remaining time that there would be no worries about rent, utilities, transportation and food. Though I am now getting food stamps, it would be wonderful to be able to go to a few restaurants that I like while I still have the chance.

So is there any type of a sponsor out there?

Al Jazeera News!

Hey everyone, sorry I have not been good at my blogging duties, but I’ve been busy trying to get some things accomplished. Hopefully it will all mesh together. Though it is now Tuesday officially, it is still Monday night to me and earlier this evening I went to TV studio here in Denver and was on the Al Jazeera evening news!

The news anchor is John Seigenthaler and there are two sides of opinion, mine “Dying with Dignity” and John Kelly’s “Not Dead Yet”. I honestly don’t agree with most anything he is saying on this issue and his situation is very, very different than mine. And when you listen to him and check out the organization, they are speaking out as if everyone is severely disabled and that everyone can just endure the pain if they have enough “support”. Some of John Kelly’s statements this evening when applied to my situation simply made no logical sense in my book.

And bottom line, that’s the whole point. This is a personal choice that belongs to each individual and no one is to decide but the individual and John Kelly is trying his best to decide for me. That I will not allow. All the doctors and surgeons agree it is my right to not get another aortic valve replacement, if I choose not to. Then why don’t I also have that right to decide when and how my life ends, rather than drag it on to where I basically drown in my own blood as my heart can no longer pump out.

Middle of the week

Well the New York Times article from last Saturday has been causing a bit of a stir now. Lots of curious people, as well as people with strong feelings on this speaking out. I may have the chance now to speak out on Democracy Now! in the near future.

It is time to bring NATIONAL attention to this issue! This should NOT be decided via state by state! This is a HUMAN RIGHT and as such ALL CITIZENS deserve this right! I was told at first by Diana DeGette’s office that they did not need to be involved in this because this is a State’s Right issue and not national. I corrected the person I was speaking with and told them this is a human right and as such I need to speak to Ms. DeGette and they agreed! (So has Senator Bennet! Now I am just waiting to hear back from Senator Udall.)

Why Your Donations Can Help Me Survive A Few More Months...

It has been more than four months now since I have last received any type of income for my work. For the last two months I have been surviving and paying my bills because of all the kind people that have donated some money towards my cause. But at this point, I am worried about making rent and the bills for March.

By some of the comments I have seen, it seems that some people think I am doing well with the donations. So far, I have paid the existing bills and nothing more. I use food stamps to eat with. There’s no money left over for me to consider visiting any friends out-of-state, going to the restaurants I love or any sort of luxury/partying. I’m just getting by without so far being forced to leave here.

Rent in the City of Denver has gone sky-high in the last few years and places are very difficult to find in the City. I have the perfect place to live, the perfect location for me. I’m in the same neighborhood that I have been living in off and on since 1981. I do not want to leave here. I am not able to leave here. It would take professional movers to get my stuff out of here and then where to? I do not have the money, energy and stamina to move now!

This is how I live:
$1000.00 month rent
$125.00 electric, gas, water, trash paid monthly to the landlord
$70.00 monthly to Comcast for internet service (I need broadband! Theres’s no TV or phone included)
$60.00 per month for my cell phone from CricKet
$70.00 per month for Geico car insurance
$27.00 monthly for my UPS mail box that I’ve had since March 1999
$25.00 monthly for my HostGator web hosting services (reseller plan)
$40.00+ monthly domain renewals for the many domains I own
$29.00 per month for the Adobe Creative Cloud software program (excellent deal!)
$70.00 per month on gas, oil for the car
$50.00 household stuff that is needed

$1566.00 and that just covers the bills

As of today through January 26th there has been a total of $45.00 in donations. I truly appreciate it, but at this rate I’m out on the streets at the end of February.

And it might upset some of you all, but that doesn’t cover my Medical Cannabis (marijuana) which is THE only pain medication I am presently taking. Though I get my medical care taken care of by Denver Health and Medicaid, I have to buy my pain meds on my own. That can be another $300.00 per month pretty easily.

I rather not just sit in my apartment and stagnate, but rather be able to go out and do some things while I am physically able to. I’m scared to spend any money I have now.

Please donate using this secured link!

Don’t Waste The Suffering!

This was the advice from caller Paul from Washington after I made my second call into The Norman Goldman Show, he said “Don’t Waste The Suffering!”

At first I didn’t figure out what he meant and it took a few minutes to sink in. I totally understand and it was his words that inspired me. Yesterday I got to speak again on The Norman Goldman Show and this is the audio of me and two other callers speaking on this very important subject.

Tomorrow morning, Saturday February 8th, 2014 my story will be on the front page of the New York Times!!! It is online now at: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/08/us/easing-terminal-patients-path-to-death-legally.html

I find it amazing that within minutes of the New York Times posting my article online that Compassion and Choices glommed onto it like it was an article all about them! They are the very people/organization to turn their backs on me when I went to them for help in making my statement. They told me to go away and now they want to claim this article as theirs. No question this pisses me off! C&C’s Facebook post

In all fairness, they should have said on their Facebook post that Compassion and Choices decided to completely turn their backs on me and my situation! As soon as the news broke of dying with dignity in New Mexico, I started to research how it happened. It was a lawsuit brought on by C&C and the ACLU. My next step was to contact both. I had no problem getting in contact with C&C but I’ve not been able to make a dent getting through to the ACLU. I wanted to be someone that could do a little hell raising and speaking out about my situation before I pass.

I told them my plans of how I am not about to wait out the last moments of death before going, that I was going to go on my own terms. Though I qualify for hospice care, I am passing on it. The help that I would get from a hospice is something that I just won’t be needing. When I can no longer cook for myself, get up and down the stairs to my apartment, and/or use my Mac/software is when I am going to go, after eating a very nice last meal.

A couple days later I get a phone call from Pamela Mottola of C&C stating that in order for us to work together that I would have to agree that I would only starve myself to death as my form of dying!!! AYFKM!!!!

Everyone that I have told that story to, my friends who know me first show rage, then amazement and then end up laughing because of the insanity of it all! I am an ultimate foodie! I live to eat and food is about the most important thing in life. At least for me it is! To suggest that I starve myself to death is about the most bizarre and upsetting thing that I have had to deal with as far as this situation goes in a long, long time. It was truly an insult to me and I let Pamela know exactly this. The next day C&C quote “this effectively ends our relationship”. Yet minutes after the article comes out about me today, it is C&C that is trying to glom onto this article like it was about them.

Yes, they do serve a purpose. They helped New Mexico for sure. But it is not helpful for them to try to find puppets to die the way they demand the person die in order to get their help! That is EXACTLY what happened in my situation! No! This is a matter of choice! My choice! Not theirs! No one is going to be able to enforce their way of my dying my death. Not the State of Colorado and not Compassion and Choices.

Compassion and Choices turned their backs on me yet it was my face and my cat that was their last post on Facebook. They should have been fair about this and posted that they already were well aware of me! Now they ought to just keep it there and accept the flack the they might get.

Now my question to the audience out there...

Is there ANY organization/s out there that have the balls to help me fight this fight while I can? If so, let’s work together as my time is getting limited. I spend too much time resting/sleeping.

Arrrghhh! (Or something like that!)

Sorry ya’ll I’ve just not been in the mood to post anything lately! Went to the doctor to today for my monthly check up. I had a few errands to do before I got there and by the time I got to my appointment, I was in a lot of pain. Not my usual shoulder/neck/back pain, or my knees, ankles or elbows that all have been problems for decades but this time is was my heart that was hurting the most. And it has been now for the last few days my primary pain.

Believe me when I tell you that you can put off pain from your extremities, or just about anywhere else better than you can true heart pain. It is a deep and disturbing pain that has a special troublesome feeling. Some of the heart pain I have been putting up with since recovering from the operation 14 years ago and it took a decade for them to figure it out too...

When they nearly cut my heart in half in order to cut out the aortic valve, they created scars of course. The scarring caused nerve damage and it is neuro pain that I feel there. That can not be stopped with your “normal” pain medications, it takes a neuro med like Gabapentin, which I took for about three months before giving the shit up! It made me a zombie and I could not use my software, I could not study or concentrate on anything. So since then I have just put up with that pain, next month being two years since I stopped using it.

Now though, there is a new pain in a different area of my heart and it was quite difficult to explain the pain to my doctor today (now yesterday technically). It is deeper and more serious. It feels like major construction is happening there! I told my doctor it has been lately as if all the warning lights on my personal dashboard are flashing brightly.

For years now the medical people say to me when I say “heart pain”, they ask “Do you mean chest pain?” And it sort of pisses me off. I didn’t say chest pain did I? NO! My fucking heart has been cut in half! I know where my heart is and what the fuck it feels like! I know exactly where the pain is coming from. So in the future when I say heart pain, that is what I mean. If my chest starts bothering me, I’ll say so. (I have not been a happy camper the last few days!)

So my doctor and I talked more about death and my dying soon today as well. He is a very good person and he and I have talked politics for nearly a decade during my visits. He is a good progressive socialist like I am, like the Founding Fathers were. The doctor is visibly upset that his hands are so tied on this matter. He is not allowed to use his medical training and thoughts on some of this, rather he must obey the laws of Colorado, which are not humane or dignified. He knows that I will have to commit suicide at some point and that I do not yet have a good means to do this.

Speaking on that subject, on my way home from the doctor this evening I was listening to the Norman Goldman Show and they were talking about the death of Phillip Seymour Hoffman. So I had to call in to talk about this death.

I am actually quite jealous of how Hoffman got to leave this planet. My goodness, he didn’t even get the needle out of his arm! How cool is that? I’ve always heard that a heroin overdose is an ugly, bad way out. But if it is that quick, how bad can it be. I never thought I would be hunting down heroin for my death, but after this weekend I’ve really been thinking about it. Amazing that it is so much easier to buy heroin than it is to get Nembutal when you are terminal! That needs to change.

There is no reason that I should have to commit any criminal acts in order to Die With Dignity!

Letter to the Editor of the Denver Post

I just sent this to the Denver Post a few minutes ago. Let’s hope they post this!

To the Denver Post and all its’ readers:
<https://www.compassionandchoices.org/2014/01/13/court-rules-aid-in-dying-is-a-fundamental-right-under-nm-constitution/>

As a citizen and long-time resident of Colorado I find it quite ironic and disturbing that though I have the right to choose how I live my life while I am alive, I have little to no rights to choose how I die though I am terminally ill and mentally competent. Ironic in the fact that the bordering states of New Mexico and Montana have these rights, but yet the state leading the nation with medical and recreational rights for marijuana have nothing in place for its’ dying Patients. This is indeed a shame and a crime.

Why must I commit a crime as my last act on this planet when I go? Is it criminal to die in peace, to die with dignity? This is a question that we Coloradoians must ask and put forth to our legislators! In Oregon for instance, your doctor can just prescribe the Nembutal (pento barbital) that you take to put you into a deep sleep and then a painless, peaceful death. But there is no way that I can legally obtain this necessary prescription here in Colorado so that I might have a dignified death too.

I’ve lived a good life and accomplished things that many others would only imagine doing. Now I should be allowed to go when my body says “Quit!” rather than having to go through a very painful and ugly form of death. Please contact your local and state legislators about this subject because sooner or later it will effect your life at least once.

This is the story of my dying struggles here in Colorado:
https://www.facebook.com/RobertDyingWithDignity
http://dying-with-dignity.blogspot.com

Checking in!

Wow! It has been too long since my last post. Sorry about that! Life has been crazy and I have been moving slow the last week or so. I do have some sort of cool news though to report since my last post. It is not official since it has not been published yet, but I was interviewed by the New York Times last week for a story that they are going to do on my situation! 

Of course, when it posts to the New York Times I will let you all know about it.

Meanwhile, what does anyone know about the best way of purchasing and securing keeping Bitcoin? It sure is difficult trying to figure out anything about this form of virtual money. It could be a necessary thing for me to obtain in order to purchase Nembutal. Nembutal as you might know is the drug of choice for dying peacefully and it is what is prescribed in Oregon.

This is what you would use to
in the form of a quick drink to
have a peaceful ending.

                               

A year ago and the previous couple years there was a dark net market called the “Silk Road” and this was were you could buy all kinds of illegal things, mostly drugs. This was where many dying, terminally ill Patients were going to purchase Nembutal, especially those in Australia. Last year the Silk Road was shut down, busted by the Feds.

Now there is a new Silk Road 2.0 and in order to purchase anything there via their shopping cart, you must use Bitcoin. To navigate the Silk Road 2.0 you must use your computer a little differently than you would usually do, unless you are truly a geek. First you must use a VPN client to mask your IP address and then you must use a special type of web browser known as TOR.

As of this time the previous marketers of the Nembutal on the Silk Road have yet to reappear on the Silk Road 2.0. Should it appear back on the dark net market and it checks out, then I would like to be prepared to purchase this by knowing how to handle the Bitcoin properly. This is very, very confusing! If you don’t handle your transactions and storage correctly you can get completely burned!

It is enough of a bummer that you have to be purchasing what should be legally obtainable by you through the black market, but the fact that you can not use a currency that is “normal” and you have to follow specific rules just to use the money makes it very tough to figure out. The language that is basically spoken is a coder’s/hacker’s sort of speak. It is not what I understand.

There used to be a time a few years back where it was fairly easy to go down to Mexico and buy Nembutal, but those days are over. The Mexican Feds have seemed to crack down more on it than they have the heroin or cocaine. You could buy it at pet shops and veterinarian supply stores there in Mexico as long as you made it seem you were purchasing for animal use. Too many people though were coming to Mexico from all over the World, purchasing the Nembutal and doing it there rather than taking it back to where they came from. The Mexican authorities did not like this image of Mexico and put the clamps down on the ways the general public can buy it there now.

If you were the mother of a dying daughter or son, what would you do?

This is quite the story of a mother in England that broke the “law” in order to help her poor daughter from suffering anymore. Watch this and then think about what you would do.

Well? What would you do?

The Most Brutal of all Operations!

I keep getting asked why don’t I just get the operation again? They say things like surely that has to be better than the alternative? Surely the operation/procedures are better now, that technology has advanced. Please let me remind you that we are dealing with slicing the heart open! This is NOT like by-pass surgery, this is removing the aortic valve and replacing it with another!

Now first of all, this would not be the first aortic valve replacement for me, if I were to do this, it would be for the second time, which is what I refuse to do. To do this all over again:

So first off, after being knocked out is splitting your chest in two once again. They will most likely take a slightly different path than your original scar. It goes a little differently the second time because I have tiny steel wires tying my chest together that are there to help hold me together from the first surgery.

Then your lungs are collapsed as to make more room to access the heart. Just the recovery from having your lungs collapsed is indeed struggle.

Your blood is no longer being fed with oxygen from your lungs, a machine is feeding the oxygen while pumping your blood, as the next step is to disconnect your heart from your body essentially. They literally take your heart out of your chest cavity to do the operation.

Then your heart is literally almost sliced in half to access the aortic valve, which is then sliced out. At that time the replacement valve size is assessed, chosen and stitched into place. Then the heart is put back together. After that everything else is all stuffed back together and hopefully all goes well.

I’m sure that there are some people that would/will/have done this brutal procedure a second time, but I will NOT! To replace the aortic heart valve this is about the only way to replace that valve. Even after all these years of technology.

There is a new procedure that is done through a catheter, but this is still in clinical trial stage and I have been looked twice now as a possible candidate and I do not qualify for several reasons, probably the most important one being that I have a deteriorating bovine valve in there now that they would have to put the replacement valve over.

It was great that I got 14+ years with this bovine valve. But I knew before the operation and then even more so after the operation that is was going to be a one-time ordeal.

If my aortic valve is replaced again, it will only be because it was done AGAINST my will and wishes! I do not want to be split open or invaded again!

Great Death Documentary

Every once in a while to keep it fresh, I am going to pop in a video, documentary or maybe even a song that I find relative to the subject of this blog, that I think you might like to partake in. This is a very interesting British documentary on assisted suicide.

This is how I would like to go, the way that Mr Smedley does in this documentary. It is very peaceful, humane and sane. No starving yourself, no blood, no violence and no pain!

Robert M's First Call into the Norman Goldman Show

Before tonight I only had an mp3 posted of the original call into the Norman Goldman Show. I just now made this into a YouTube movie so that it might play easier/better for everyone.

An evening with John Doe at the Lion's Lair

Every year or so John Doe shows up to play a solo show somewhere in Denver, but usually at the Lion's Lair, a small dive on Colfax. He play there last night and tonight and I was lucky enough to catch the show last night. I was as close as you could possibly get and not be on stage.

I'm going to try to have a little fun during these last few months and live music is one of my most favorite ways to have fun going "out" somewhere.

 He played the acoustic guitar at first and then went to his electric guitar.

John Doe is one of the founding members of the original LA punk band X.

Robert M speaks with Senator Bernie Sanders

On Friday morning, January 17th, Robert M makes a call into the Thom Hartmann Show and briefly gets to speak with Senator Bernie Sanders.

Disappointment Today!

Hey there!

Trying to get more and more attention to this situation, to get people thinking about what are they going to do when it might be their time? Wish that maybe they fought for their right to die with dignity before realizing that now they too are stuck in a surreal life?

So I was sort of volunteering, as well as asking for help from the national division of Compassion and Choices, since they were one of the two organizations that was instrumental in the ruling that happened in New Mexico on Monday. I thought that I could be a vocal advocate for them and help get Colorado the same rights as our bordering states of Montana and New Mexico.

Here's the deal as far as Compassion and Choices go in helping me with any of this. Since there is no legal means of ending your life with a medication in Colorado, the only allowable way to end your life and work under the cooperation of C&C is the starve yourself to death, no food and water!

How is that dignified? How is that living your last few days in comfort? How is this a compassionate means? This is NOT my choice!

I was quite stunned by the news as I heard it told to me on the phone today. It was very disappointing and I guess I won't be mentioning that organization much again. Also today I tried to get in touch with the Colorado division of the ACLU via phone and that is next to impossible. Last night I sent them an email to the correct address, but there is a minimum 30 day wait!

Right after the Norman Goldman Show started today I decided to give Norm another call to express my disappointment: