Death With Dignitym2

2014 is my last year here
thoughts of Robert M


At the age of fifteen I contracted acute rheumatic fever, was in quarantine the first three days of the twelve days I was hospitalized. From that moment on was doomed to have a different life than most other people, I was a “severe” medical risk, a time bomb set in slow motion. At that time I did not know what was in store for me, though I was told some scary stories and that I wouldn’t live past the age of 45. And if I did live past that, it would only because I would have had parts of my heart, if not my whole heart replaced.

Robert M's First Call Into The Norman Goldman Show

Contact me at and please Skype me using my Skype name: Dying.With.Dignity

Friday, June 13, 2014

I really could use some help please!

The last couple weeks have been much tougher on me than the previous couple of months before. It had seemed that my condition was in a holding pattern, but now it appears to have gone back into deterioration mode.

A couple days ago was my 59th birthday and it was very unexpected that I would ever make it that long. The doctors are somewhat puzzled by this, as we all thought I would have died by now without the operation. There is no reason why, just speculation for the most part, but has my regime of medical cannabis helped to delay things? Who knows?

I need help please to keep going on. I’ve been lucky to keep up on my bills, like the rent, utilities, gas, insurance and all, but I have zero income now and no way to really earn anything. I’m having too many problems these days with my heart and my head to get any real work done. It is very difficult at times to concentrate anymore and to use my software.

There is no way I can move out and get another place at this point. I simply would not have the energy to get anything done. My rent is somewhat expensive, but I live in the heart of Denver and it is an excellent location for me. I’m just trying to hang on as long as I can before it is just to painful to continue. But there is no way that I am going to get evicted and move out onto the streets either.

Even with a social worker helping me at Denver Health to apply for any assistance I be able to qualify for, I have been turned down for all assistance so far other than food stamps and Medicaid. I’ve been turned down for Social Security, Social Security disability and SSI! The situation with the SSI is a terrible story in itself that I would have to explain in another post.

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Sunday, May 25, 2014

Choosing To Die - BBC Documentary by Terry Pratchett

I thought that this video was worth posting once again on this blog. The first post of this video on my blog went “bad” as that one was pulled off YouTube because of copyright issues. Hopefully this one will remain on YouTube.
If you go back to the first time that I posted this video my blog, you will find that the link has been corrected.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

The Death Cafe!

There is a fairly new thing happening across the nation called “Death Cafes” and I made my first post at The Death Cafe Website. Please check our their website, especially the video section!

If you can, find a local Death Cafe, or start one on your own.

Friday, May 23, 2014

“Choosing How To Die” at the First Universalist Church of Denver on Sunday May 18, 2014

Bart Windrum and I did our first presentation together at the First Universalist Church of Denver. I did not post the video previously because I thought it would just be out trial run for the Mercury Cafe, but as you can see, we did a better job on Sunday than we did last night.
May 18, 2014
The First Universalist Church of Denver

“Choosing How to Die” at the Mercury Cafe May 22nd, 2014

This is the presentation that Bart Windrum and I put on at the Mercury Cafe. It was a close call even posting this video because of the lighting. They changed the lights after Bart's presentation and made it so damned intense that I could not see, it was almost painful and I imagine that normally the only time a person gets bombarded with that much light is during a police interrogation!

It was extremely unsettling and there’s no question that Sunday’s presentation at the First Universalist Church went MUCH, MUCH better. I’m very bummed out with this presentation we did at the Merc!

Thursday May 22, 2014
The Mercury Cafe
2199 California Street, LoDo Denver

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Choosing How To Die - Presentation on Sunday May 18th!

Our “Choosing How To Die” presentation will first be performed at the First Universalist Church of Denver - 4101 East Hampden Avenue, Denver, CO 80222. This is at the NE corner of Hampden and Colorado Blvd.

This Sunday! May 18th at 12:30 PM

Calling the Norman Goldman Show About My Gig At The Mercury Cafe - Choosing How To Die

There will be a presentation called “Choosing How To Die” featuring the BBC documentary by Sir Terry Pratchett, “Choosing To Die”, which is a one-hour film.
Bart Windrum of Axiom Action will be speaking on this controversial topic, as well as I will be talking about what it is like to be living through an experience as I have been going through in my last final months of life.

To be followed up with a Question & Answer segment that promises to be quite engaging!

The Mercury Cafe is located at 2199 California Street, Denver 80222. The presentation starts at 7 PM on Thursday, May 22, 2014. Please do come if you can! I would love to see you there!

Friday, May 2, 2014

This all SUCKS quite a bit!

Well, it is looking like there is nothing is place assistance wise as far as my situation goes! This is so damned crazy! If I were to choose to go with the dreaded operation, then the “system” is willing to spend what it will take to repair me. For the aortic heart replacement and the recovery the expenses would probably be more than $300,000.00 easy.

But if I refuse the operation, there is nothing in place to help me live out my last few months of my life without being forced to live out on the streets. I qualify for “hospice” but I do not need “hospice” help since it will not help with my rent and bills. In many ways I feel that hospice services are a true scam. As soon as the doctor writes out the paperwork stating you have six months or less to live, these CORPORATIONS want you to sign up with them so they can get that money and do whatever they claim to do for the dying person. SCAM!

They are not there to help you maintain your rent, or your bills. They are there to do a little cleaning, cooking and shopping for you if you choose to live at home. Or if you choose, you can go die at one of their places, which is EXACTLY what I refuse to do. I only want to stay where I am at now, to be able to cook for myself and maintain my life as can in my own way and style and not have people being paid for what I can and will do!

When I can no longer cook for myself, when I can not get up and down my stairs to go shopping, when I can not do my normal routines, well then folks, it is time for me to go! So why can’t hospice care just help me live out my life in peace and in the manner I want to?

The simple answer is the government has this all set up to merely benefit corporations once again and not The People! Though I qualify for hospice care, I will never benefit from it, nor will it be used on me. This is bullshit.

The only way I’ve been surviving is by the few donations that keep coming in to me which I GREATLY appreciate! But it is truly looking like that I will need to terminate sooner than later because I refuse to live on the streets or move from here now.

Friday, April 11, 2014

My first call on the Alan Colmes Show

Wednesday night I was driving for just a few minutes, turned on the radio and the Alan Colmes Show was on. This lady was talking and I quickly realize that she was talking about someone in the same situation as me. Then she mentioned this guy talking on the Norman Goldman show and that his name was Robert!

No way! It sort of freaked me out. Up until then I thought the show was being broadcasted live and that Alan Colmes was a late night person. I tried to call in and then found out the show is broadcasted at 4:00 PM my time. So I decided that I would be one of Alan’s first callers for Thursday. Turns out I was his first caller for the day!

Getting assistance during your last months

More updating of what has been going on with me and my situation. It is so damned crazy how things work out here in the USA and in Denver, CO as well. My “ObamaCare” kicked in, by that I mean the Medicaid has gone in affect for me now and I am seeing immediate savings!

A couple weeks ago I had an echocardiogram and a zero co-pay! It normally would have been $2.00 but they were having a “glitch” in charging at the moment. My previous one was a $15.00 co-pay.

I’ve talked with a social worker with Denver Health to find out about any assistance I might be able to get other than the Medicaid and Food Stamps I am receiving now. It has been getting pretty tough to get any kind of computer work done lately and there’s no other type of work I can do. In fact, I have paperwork from my doctor stating that I can not work now.

Here in Denver I have the option to get the aortic heart valve replacement surgery and all the medical follow up care. They have a great medical system here, but I do NOT want to get the surgery done again. We are talking at least $150,000.00 worth of medical bills being covered. But yet there is nothing in place to help take care of someone when they do not want the surgery.

You would think that the hospice money that kicks in when you’re in my condition could cover my rent, but that is not how it works. For the most part hospice is for profit and you play by their rules. If I have home hospice, that can help with cooking, cleaning, shopping and the like. But it doesn’t help you maintain a place to live UNLESS you live at a place other than yours! That’s bullshit!

(You see, there is this automatic money that kicks in as soon as a doctor does the paperwork saying you in most likelihood with be dead in six months or less. That money is NOT for you really, but for the agencies and corporations that get to take taxpayer’s money every time someone is about to die. It is a scam.)

So the social worker told me about a month ago she would send an application to see if I could get this grant, that if approved would pay for three month’s rent. I was told two days ago that I was not approved because I won’t be able to better or advance myself with the use of this grant! Dying doesn’t fit into the rules!

At that same time last month I was able to get help applying for Social Security and SSI at Denver Health and my situation allowed them to use the “expedite” forms. So for the last two weeks now I’ve been getting various forms of paperwork back from the Social Security departments! Two days ago I get this letter from them listing all of the things I have in my claim.

I noticed some things are wrong and decided to use the phone number they suggest in the paperwork and asked for the person listed. It was a short wait and then I got to leave a message. I got a call back a little later the same day and she said that I do not have to worry about the corrections until I am approved. That had me to ask, “Approve what? I supplied actual documented doctor forms and was told this would be expedited.” She replied back that it is being expedited, but wait a minute and she would confirm that.

She came back on and said that my case is being expedited and I should hear back from them in five to six months! I told her I will probably not be alive that long. She said that’s all that can be done for now.

So it is getting pretty tough to survive/stay in my apartment these days! The last two months a good friend has volunteered to pay my rent, but I can not expect for that to keep happening. I need to find some kind of real sponsor!

On the Norman Goldman Show today!

Hey you all! I’m sorry that I have not posted in a while. A lot had been going on for the last month, including getting pretty sick for nearly a week and then my sister came out for a visit for a week too!

While my sister was here we went over my paperwork and my wishes. There was paperwork done with my doctor, as in getting my M.O.S.T. form signed and my Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation Colorado Directive. With the Denver Health social worker we got my Medical Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care Decisions taken care of as well. This will hopefully keep the hospitals from doing anything to try to keep my alive at this point.

Do YOU have your paperwork together for your demise? Each state will have their own forms, but the form you want is the M.O.S.T. form. This is the link to the Colorado example: All about the M.O.S.T. Form.

You will need a Living Will of some sort and here’s the info for Colorado: Colorado Living Wills and Medical Durable Powers of Attorney: What You Need to Know

These are just some of the things that I have just recently gone through and wanted to relate to you all.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Skype Me

I have a Skype account set up now for this blog! My Skype Name is: Dying.With.Dignity so give that a try. More than likely the voicemail will kick in. If so, please leave me a message and I might Skype you back. If I do Skype you back, please be aware that I will be recording the call with my Mac.

One Off The Bucket List!

Wednesday afternoon I had the opportunity to actually do a one-on-one Skype call with Rick Simpson of Phoenix Tears! This is certainly something I never thought I would get the chance to do!

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

I need a sponsor please!

Is there anyone out there that can help me out please?

I am looking for a corporation or organization that would be willing to be my sponsor during my last few months. I need help in keeping my bills paid as I am not really able to real work for clients now. It is truly becoming difficult to concentrate and think hard these days. In fact, it is tough to read pages of text.

If there is such a company or person available, I could be a “spokesperson” or promoter. This would only be for a few months time, as I do not have that much time remaining. But it would be nice that for the remaining time that there would be no worries about rent, utilities, transportation and food. Though I am now getting food stamps, it would be wonderful to be able to go to a few restaurants that I like while I still have the chance.

So is there any type of a sponsor out there?

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Al Jazeera News!

Hey everyone, sorry I have not been good at my blogging duties, but I’ve been busy trying to get some things accomplished. Hopefully it will all mesh together. Though it is now Tuesday officially, it is still Monday night to me and earlier this evening I went to TV studio here in Denver and was on the Al Jazeera evening news!

The news anchor is John Seigenthaler and there are two sides of opinion, mine “Dying with Dignity” and John Kelly’s “Not Dead Yet”. I honestly don’t agree with most anything he is saying on this issue and his situation is very, very different than mine. And when you listen to him and check out the organization, they are speaking out as if everyone is severely disabled and that everyone can just endure the pain if they have enough “support”. Some of John Kelly’s statements this evening when applied to my situation simply made no logical sense in my book.

And bottom line, that’s the whole point. This is a personal choice that belongs to each individual and no one is to decide but the individual and John Kelly is trying his best to decide for me. That I will not allow. All the doctors and surgeons agree it is my right to not get another aortic valve replacement, if I choose not to. Then why don’t I also have that right to decide when and how my life ends, rather than drag it on to where I basically drown in my own blood as my heart can no longer pump out.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Middle of the week

Well the New York Times article from last Saturday has been causing a bit of a stir now. Lots of curious people, as well as people with strong feelings on this speaking out. I may have the chance now to speak out on Democracy Now! in the near future.

It is time to bring NATIONAL attention to this issue! This should NOT be decided via state by state! This is a HUMAN RIGHT and as such ALL CITIZENS deserve this right! I was told at first by Diana DeGette’s office that they did not need to be involved in this because this is a State’s Right issue and not national. I corrected the person I was speaking with and told them this is a human right and as such I need to speak to Ms. DeGette and they agreed! (So has Senator Bennet! Now I am just waiting to hear back from Senator Udall.)

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Why Your Donations Can Help Me Survive A Few More Months...

It has been more than four months now since I have last received any type of income for my work. For the last two months I have been surviving and paying my bills because of all the kind people that have donated some money towards my cause. But at this point, I am worried about making rent and the bills for March.

By some of the comments I have seen, it seems that some people think I am doing well with the donations. So far, I have paid the existing bills and nothing more. I use food stamps to eat with. There’s no money left over for me to consider visiting any friends out-of-state, going to the restaurants I love or any sort of luxury/partying. I’m just getting by without so far being forced to leave here.

Rent in the City of Denver has gone sky-high in the last few years and places are very difficult to find in the City. I have the perfect place to live, the perfect location for me. I’m in the same neighborhood that I have been living in off and on since 1981. I do not want to leave here. I am not able to leave here. It would take professional movers to get my stuff out of here and then where to? I do not have the money, energy and stamina to move now!

This is how I live:
$1000.00 month rent
$125.00 electric, gas, water, trash paid monthly to the landlord
$70.00 monthly to Comcast for internet service (I need broadband! Theres’s no TV or phone included)
$60.00 per month for my cell phone from CricKet
$70.00 per month for Geico car insurance
$27.00 monthly for my UPS mail box that I’ve had since March 1999
$25.00 monthly for my HostGator web hosting services (reseller plan)
$40.00+ monthly domain renewals for the many domains I own
$29.00 per month for the Adobe Creative Cloud software program (excellent deal!)
$70.00 per month on gas, oil for the car
$50.00 household stuff that is needed

$1566.00 and that just covers the bills

As of today through January 26th there has been a total of $45.00 in donations. I truly appreciate it, but at this rate I’m out on the streets at the end of February.

And it might upset some of you all, but that doesn’t cover my Medical Cannabis (marijuana) which is THE only pain medication I am presently taking. Though I get my medical care taken care of by Denver Health and Medicaid, I have to buy my pain meds on my own. That can be another $300.00 per month pretty easily.

I rather not just sit in my apartment and stagnate, but rather be able to go out and do some things while I am physically able to. I’m scared to spend any money I have now.

Don’t Waste The Suffering!

This was the advice from caller Paul from Washington after I made my second call into The Norman Goldman Show, he said “Don’t Waste The Suffering!”

At first I didn’t figure out what he meant and it took a few minutes to sink in. I totally understand and it was his words that inspired me. Yesterday I got to speak again on The Norman Goldman Show and this is the audio of me and two other callers speaking on this very important subject.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Tomorrow morning, Saturday February 8th, 2014 my story will be on the front page of the New York Times!!! It is online now at:
I find it amazing that within minutes of the New York Times posting my article online that Compassion and Choices glommed onto it like it was an article all about them! They are the very people/organization to turn their backs on me when I went to them for help in making my statement. They told me to go away and now they want to claim this article as theirs. No question this pisses me off! C&C’s Facebook post

In all fairness, they should have said on their Facebook post that Compassion and Choices decided to completely turn their backs on me and my situation! As soon as the news broke of dying with dignity in New Mexico, I started to research how it happened. It was a lawsuit brought on by C&C and the ACLU. My next step was to contact both. I had no problem getting in contact with C&C but I’ve not been able to make a dent getting through to the ACLU. I wanted to be someone that could do a little hell raising and speaking out about my situation before I pass.

I told them my plans of how I am not about to wait out the last moments of death before going, that I was going to go on my own terms. Though I qualify for hospice care, I am passing on it. The help that I would get from a hospice is something that I just won’t be needing. When I can no longer cook for myself, get up and down the stairs to my apartment, and/or use my Mac/software is when I am going to go, after eating a very nice last meal.

A couple days later I get a phone call from Pamela Mottola of C&C stating that in order for us to work together that I would have to agree that I would only starve myself to death as my form of dying!!! AYFKM!!!!

Everyone that I have told that story to, my friends who know me first show rage, then amazement and then end up laughing because of the insanity of it all! I am an ultimate foodie! I live to eat and food is about the most important thing in life. At least for me it is! To suggest that I starve myself to death is about the most bizarre and upsetting thing that I have had to deal with as far as this situation goes in a long, long time. It was truly an insult to me and I let Pamela know exactly this. The next day C&C quote “this effectively ends our relationship”. Yet minutes after the article comes out about me today, it is C&C that is trying to glom onto this article like it was about them.

Yes, they do serve a purpose. They helped New Mexico for sure. But it is not helpful for them to try to find puppets to die the way they demand the person die in order to get their help! That is EXACTLY what happened in my situation! No! This is a matter of choice! My choice! Not theirs! No one is going to be able to enforce their way of my dying my death. Not the State of Colorado and not Compassion and Choices.

Compassion and Choices turned their backs on me yet it was my face and my cat that was their last post on Facebook. They should have been fair about this and posted that they already were well aware of me! Now they ought to just keep it there and accept the flack the they might get.

Now my question to the audience out there...

Is there ANY organization/s out there that have the balls to help me fight this fight while I can? If so, let’s work together as my time is getting limited. I spend too much time resting/sleeping.

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Below is the audio clip from the Norman Goldman Show that started this all off for me.

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