Death With Dignitym2

2014 was thought to be my last year here
a diary of posts by Robert M


At the age of fifteen I contracted acute rheumatic fever, was in quarantine the first three days of the twelve days I was hospitalized. From that moment on was doomed to have a different life than most other people, I was a “severe” medical risk, a time bomb set in slow motion. At that time I did not know what was in store for me, though I was told some scary stories and that I wouldn’t live past the age of 45. And if I did live past that, it would only because I would have had parts of my heart, if not my whole heart replaced.

Robert M's First Call Into The Norman Goldman Show

Contact me at and please Skype me using my Skype name: Dying.With.Dignity

Friday, October 31, 2014

The Edwards SAPIEN XT Transcatheter Heart valve

This is the device that they might be putting into me, the Edwards SAPIEN XT Transcatheter Heart valve. It is a bovine heart valve surrounded by mesh and steel. Pretty crazy looking!
It’s my bedtime now, but I will be posting more about this procedure because now it is very possible they will not go through my leg but rather straight through the heart wall and not through a vein!

I could really use your help financially please: DONATE

My call to the Norman Goldman Show today

Well, it has been a real roller coaster this year emotionally and mentally. It is now Halloween and I can not believe that I am still alive!

It’s been a bitch just putting up with the pain lately and not letting people see it. The best way I can describe it is like a tattoo being done. It is like a moving, burning sensation that sometimes just gets to you so much you want to scream out loud. But you just bear with it.

Earlier this year the TVAR procedures being performed here in Colorado just did not have a suitable survival outcome for someone with a deteriorating bovine aortic heart such as what my situation is. Just in the last few months that has changed here in Colorado and now there are newer procedures in which they are able to more successfully place the TAVR replacement valve over a deteriorating bovine valve.

Now I finally have an appointment to speak with one of the two specialist surgeons doing the newest TAVR procedures on December 8th. Once we get the facts figured out, going over what to expect and if I agree, then the next step would be to make an appointment for them to go inside my heart via catheter and take a bunch of measurements.

Then if I am a viable candidate, the appointment for the TAVR procedure will be made! This is me calling into the Norman Goldman Show yesterday to talk about this.

Now I need help to get though all of this financially please! I can not pay my monthly bills and I am facing eviction! Though my medical bills will be paid by Medicaid and I get food stamps, I am not getting any other assistance!

Please use this link to donate.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Brittany Maynard this post is for you!

At this point in time I would imagine that it might be next to impossible for me to personally reach Brittany and be able to speak with her for just a minute or two, but I would love to do so. If there is anyone that finds this and can help me reach her immediately, it would be greatly appreciated.

Firstly, I have no idea whether Brittany explored, turned down or even tried a high cannabinoid extract treatment for her brain cancer.

Whether or not, I am sincerely wondering if she were here in Denver working with the very specific strains and ratios of cannabis extracts available at River Rock and United Cannabis and had Dr. Shackelford as her doctor, if she could indeed have this cancer sent into remission?

What I am asking of Brittany is to please give us seventy additional days to put her cancer into remission, PLEASE! Instead of the first days of November, give us a chance to her the very best and newest in cannabinoid treatment. She will be in the best hands/minds in this nation, bar none!

70 days longer Brittany! I understand that can be a very long time, but what if you find that time to be nearly pain free? Please do me a favor and give this a try!

Cannabis extracts have been what has most likely prolonged my life now as long as it has, but it can not save it. But for Brittany, this could still be possible.

I have reached out to both River Rock and Dr. S. about this, as I know these people personally and I am pretty sure it can be something we can make happen on this side. (In fact, I have already been partly confirmed on one side on a late Saturday night!)

Does anyone there know how to reach Brittany personally so I might speak to her please? Cannabis can not save my life, but if I can help arrange it to save Brittany, that would be very, very cool. I have the connections to make this happen on the Denver end!

Please, can anyone help me get in touch with Brittany personally?

Brittany, I am 59 years old and I have lived a full life. I've done amazing things and therefore I am quite happy with my life and I truly do not need to go through another brutal surgery to get maybe another decade or so more.

You on the other hand Brittany have 30 years less than I on your present lifetime. I could never tell you to go through the brutal normal treatment they've told you about for your cancer, as I truly fear being on the operating table ever again. It totally freaks me the hell out! I am choosing to die rather than be split open again.

But what about not having surgery or taking any weird poisonous-like cancer treatments and instead take what is now the cutting edge in cannabis therapy and not have to suffer at all? Brittany, I can personally assure you that this is worth the shot, worth putting the timer off for another couple months.

Please Brittany, I am asking for you to help me help you. Give us 70 days more. Saving your life would be a little extra Karma for me hopefully when I do go.

Believe me Brittany, I understand the pressures of having to deal with speaking out about your own death to the public for public awareness. It is never too late to turn around and say let's try one more thing first before I say good-bye.

Someone get me to Brittany and I can get this to happen on our side!

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Compassion & Choices and Brittany Maynard

Yesterday, October 8th, 2014 I called into the Norman Goldman show since I knew beforehand that he would be speaking about Brittany Maynard and the "death with dignity" situation here in the USA.

I noticed how in the last couple days how Brittany Maynard has captured national media attention since becoming Compassion and Choices' new "poster person". To me there is no question that this was all a carefully plotted out promotional situation by Compassion and Choices to use the plight of Brittany to full advantage of trying to spread this well needed "right" throughout all the USA.

And for that I understand and commend C&C on this great promotion as it is getting many people's attention. And to Brittany herself I am quite glad that she is being strong enough a person to be able to speak out on this the way she has.

But in another way I am almost offended by this presentation by C&C as it so non-typical of the average dying person in the USA situation. Most terminal Patients by the time they are determined "terminal" here are usually broke or damned well near it.

Every terminal Patient's wish I would imagine is to be able to get to enjoy those last few months ENJOYING LIFE, going on as many trips as possible and having as much fun as can be had in that situation. But most of us never have anything close to that actually happen.

The average American that is terminal is trying to figure out where they are going to be living since they can no longer pay rent. Or maybe if they are lucky, they can find some type of assistance, but let me tell you from personal knowledge that there's not much out there. I'm only getting Medicaid and food stamps and other than that I am on my own.

But this is not about me, this is about what the average typical dying American has to live through during the last few months of their lives. We must go through quite the struggle, sometimes a very dire struggle. And as we sit here waiting, stagnating, wishing that we could go out more, visit friends and family that are not close, maybe eat at some decent restaurants, finish off your bucket list and the like, all you can actually do is sit and wonder about it all.

I certainly do not blame Brittany for taking advantage of the money she has access to while she is still here and in fact, I encourage her to do so! But since there are so many struggling terminal Patients that will never get to do maybe anything joyful, adventurous or fun again in their lives, I just think in several ways Compassion and Choices did not make a realistic choice for their poster person. Again, I understand why they did it, but I think they are really sending a wrong message here.

Don't you think it is evident that Brittany would not be in the news whatsoever if she were Black, Hispanic or poor? No, the being terminal story is far too common for far too many people who have no voice, no money and essentially no hope. And I am calling C&C out on this!

Of course I do not really expect to personally hear back from C&C, we were in contact earlier as I had reached to them. We parted ways as soon as I realized the only way they would work with me since I lived in Colorado and am broke, was that I had to agree that I would only self deliver by starving myself! Anyone that personally knows me, knows that will never happen!

I have included the audio of the call to the Norman Goldman show for you to check out.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Update October 6th, 2014

Things have not gone as planned in the last month or so. I will not be going to Cedars Sinai as we were maybe hoping and now trying to see if another facility, hopefully New York Presbyterian will take on my situation. 

Not sure exactly what the problem was with Cedars, but they have not responded back to my Denver Health doctor’s requests. 

I’ve been very reluctant to get back onto the operating table for anything. They need to do a catheter procedure where they go through my leg and up into both the left and right sides of my heart. My bovine aortic valve is fairly deteriorated and it really scares the hell out of me to have this done. I’ve had this done three previous times and so I really don’t want to do it again. But they need to do these tests to make sure that I can even be for sure a candidate for these newest procedures and I can have that done here, so I just recently agreed to have that done. Now I am waiting.

The procedure for the TAVR is not as advanced here at CU as they are now doing for the clinical studies at places like NY-P, Cedars, Mayo, Cornell and the like. The leading facility being NY-P. The difference in the procedure available here as opposed to there is quite a bit, the difference in whether the odds are worth it or not.

Part of the problem that I am having is the fact that my cardio doctor at Denver Health/CU and I do not have a good report going on ever since I told her that I was not going to have open heart surgery. They’ve not been happy with me since. So my primary doctor for the last decade at Denver Health is trying to find another cardio doctor to maybe help me figure this out. But nothing is happening fast.

And now my rent has been raised outrageously by my landlord. 15 months ago he raised my rent by 15% and last week he just raised it by another 40%! So trying to figure this all out. 

I’m running out of energy too. Spending more time in bed. Not getting much done anymore now. Broke down and got a handicapped parking placard this last week. 

Thanks for your concerns,

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Below is the audio clip from the Norman Goldman Show that started this all off for me.

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